Been awhile since I even thought about my blog, I forgot why I love blogging so much, it is a diary of days or months for me- I can go back and review my minds history of ideas, creativitiy, life moments good and bad. I am in the midst of change right now. Not sure why, but I presume it has to do with turning 63- or I should say politely-over 60. The good things first. I truly am living in my God given purpose- supported by amazing husband, friends and family- my faith is strong tho tested, my goals remain strong and clear ( helping those who are struggling with memory loss, and the ones that care for and love them). My super empath heart wants to make life better for the families I serve. It is my joy.
Now the hard things... At this time, my biggest battle is ...my own resilence is gone. I am overwhelmed, I feel like I have lost more battles than won. I am trying to define myself in a new structure, new sphere of life, trying to make the days I have lived count, trying to make new days count as well. Grief keeps showing up everywhere and made larger by my thought life. SO, here I am July 17, 2022 pouring it out, a record of my thoughts. It will get better, I know, but in this moment I want to learn what these testings have accomplished, where are they taking me. so I write. This is a recourd of that path.
Small insight today:
When you are on top of the mountain that you have climbed so dilgently, having come through struggles along the way, you think wonderful now I can rest! Then you see the many other peaks along the ridges ahead to be accomplished. You have done it before you can do it again. With great perserverance you head down to the valley for a stroll to another new climb - only you get one obstacle, one delay, one turn gone worng after another and you realise you have to do it all over again. However, before you can even begin to climb again you must camp out on the ridge for awhile, get used to the air, breathe,make a plan, get up, move slow. THAT is where I am, soul weary and in need of a rest.
Whats helping today:
Reading a wonderful book called Fractured Faith by Lina Abujamra- slowly digesting it- making it part of my daily intake. Some days I go back and stare at " my magnificent mountain" I was on top of and remember things in the rear view mirror are not always whet they seem. GOD is here with me, not there, He got me there, He led me here. He is Walking slowly in front of me, catching my face when I turn around and saying to my heart - look at me chld - follow me- eyes on me. Today we go forward.